This post started as a facebook status update. Lots of these posts do. I immediately find myself thinking, “who will care?” – then end up here. Writing about it anyway. Maybe one of you does. Don’t know. Don’t really care.
As much as I like writing for all of you, this is such a sacred place. It’s akin to writing a letter to ourselves like we did at bible camp and then burning it. Except it’s public. So its different. Who knows.
The holidays make me feel mushy and lovey and I don’t know if I don’t like it because I threatens my rock solid facade I present (sarcasm) or because it completely makes me dopey and giddy with this excitement.
This year I have been punishing myself. A close family member has ALS. My grandfather died a year ago from ALS. Last year the holidays were different for me. We gathered just days before Christmas to mourn my grandfather. The world seems to be falling apart and here I am… grinning like an idiot because it’s Christmas in a few days.
I went through my wedding photos today to snag the 50% off EVERYTHING (seriously people, everything) deal on shutterfly and it got me all kinds of worked up. My husband is so freaking cool ya’ll. There is nothing about that man that is robotic or rehearsed. He is so real and raw it freaks me out sometimes. He very RARELY will fake any emotion. I envy him so often for that. Like, he literally is so authentic to what he thinks and feels sometimes it drives me bloody insane.
I sifted through the photos and it was like I could feel how I felt that day all. over. again.
The smile on my mom’s face was so real. My dad’s tears were so tender. All of my families in one place to celebrate these two weirdos who for some reason are perfect for each other.
There are so many things I find myself thankful for and so many things I find myself fearful of as the next year approaches.
I have to cut myself a small break and enjoy the holidays and be a big soppy dope and just enjoy it when I can get it.
Happy Holidays all!