It is what life is all about.
Humans have the innate desire to make choices. In a day we make thousands of choices. Some major, some minor. Some we don’t consciously think about, some are pivotal choices that change our lives. Some choices we make create a ripple that effect not only ourselves, but those that touch our lives.
Generally the options for Meniere’s Disease are pharmaceutical interventions (anti-emetics, diuretics, anti-anxiety), diet changes (low-salt, raw, vegan), conservative surgical procedures (sac enhancements, aeration), and destructive surgical procedures (vestibular nerve section – brain surgery, removal of inner ear completely – deafness). Some work for some and others do not.
Some have made minor differences for me and others have not. Following my second conservative surgery and the trouble I am still having I have thought a lot about destructive procedures. Doing a vestibular nerve section is brain surgery. Terrifying right. Small chance of keeping your hearing.
Matt and I went to dinner. It wasn’t the most appropriate time to discuss such things but I had a burning desire to know how he felt about me potentially having to make the choice between Meniere’s Disease and being deaf. In true Matt fashion he looked me dead in the eye and said that he would support any decision that I made.
I almost fell off my chair. There was no hesitation in his voice. There was no sadness in his eyes. No anger. No selfishness. I immediately backtracked thinking he must have heard me wrong. I had just asked him how he would feel about me, making the choice to be deaf.
He could have chose to talk me out of even thinking to make that choice. He could have made the choice to beat around the bush.
I told him my fears. That people would question me, judge me. Why would you make a choice to be deaf?
For me, choosing to be deaf wasn’t about sacrificing a sense. It was choosing to have a life. Choosing to be deaf wasn’t about choosing to be deaf at all. It was me choosing to not have Meniere’s Disease anymore.
It isn’t a decision that one should jump into. One that I would not jump into. But it is a choice. A choice that is on the table for everyone with Meniere’s Disease who has exhausted all other options and is left with a choice.
This choice comes with a ripple effect.
99 times out of 100 I would give just about anything to not have Meniere’s Disease anymore.
I may have to make a choice to have another surgery in a few months. Not one of this caliber, despite the fact that all ear surgeries come with the possibility of lost hearing. We all have to make choices. To not make them would make us less human. Chances are high I would make that choice to do another surgery. If another surgery can offer relief I will take that.
All of you Meniere’s sufferers out there have options, you have choices.