Life is a Changing

It has been months since I last updated. The last few months have been trying. We have been experiencing brutal weather conditions in my area (as the rest of you are too, I am sure), with a winter that feels somehow, from hell. Pressure here has been hanging around 30.1 inches or so. .1 in pressure change can put me out for a day. This past Sunday I fell getting off the toilet and hit my head on the cabinet in front of me. Monday I saw my GP and she was concerned about concussion and diagnosed it as such. Tuesday I saw my PT and she was certain that I did not have a concussion but Vestibular and/or Ocular Migraine are to blame for my odd symptoms following the three day marathon of disequilibrium. I think I scared the GP on Monday. While we have talked about my symptoms during a long period of dizziness she hasn’t really witnessed it independently from my hospital stay almost three years ago. 

There appear to be parallels to seizure symptoms during these attacks. I get very confused, lose the ability to concentrate or focus, my speech is slurred, extreme fatigue, and affect is effected. Similar to a concussion also. My head continues to pound off and on following an attack such as this, so I am going to see a neurologist who can better assess the situation. Having MD is like being a living jigsaw puzzle. This may be another piece to the puzzle. 

To juxtapose these last crappy months, I finished my M.A. in Forensic Psychology and on Monday begin my Ph. D program. I traveled to Indianapolis, IN for a residency, which is part of my Ph. D program. The trip was great, but of course, there are always struggles when traveling a distance with MD. The fear and anxiety reaches a fever pitch when you are away from home, away from your safety net. Thankfully things went well with assistance from some medications that I had for the drive and being busy each day.

I end this post with a discussion about balance. Life is about always trying to find that balance. With the bad comes the good. This statement is not some tired platitude that you will read in self-help books, but simply a reality. I spent three days in agony and looking back after the fog has lifted I look for the bright spot. I remember Matt running to the bathroom when I fell and just holding me, letting me be angry. It reminds me that his heart is so beautiful and how deeply he understands this life we have together. I have to smile at that. My other option is to cry and I have done enough of that this winter. I remember getting my graduation gift from one of my dearest friends. I remember the thinking, I am done with my M.A. Life is nothing but finding a balance. For warriors, that is figurative and literal.

I hope this post finds you grounded and settled. If it does not, remember this one will end and the haze will clear. Look for the bright spot!


The hardest thing to hear….”There’s nothing more we can do.”

We are never alone.

Picnic with Ants

I haven’t been posting on a very regular basis because I’ve been having daily vertigo.  Sometimes it’s a short bout of spinning that I can handle pretty well, other times it has been the horrific bouts that cause me to throw up for hours, and lose all bodily functions.  (I know you’ve heard the details before, I’m sorry for the graphic description)

Daily vertigo is so draining.  The constant disequilibrium is one thing, but the vertigo…it’s the most debilitating thing that has ever happened to me.  To have this just hit me out of the blue, leaves me with such fear.  This past week I’ve woken up with vertigo at least 3 times.  One time I was on the verge of throwing up, and I admit, I completely freaked out.  That bothers me so much.  I have been keeping my cool through the attacks, but then that happened, and I’m…

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