I wake up thankful.
The room isn’t spinning. I can stand up. Get dressed. Feed the animals.
I reflect on the last few months. So many changes. I look to the future. So many changes there too.
I try to remind myself to stay in this moment. I try to meditate but I can’t sit still.
I am at the point in my meditation practice where you practice simply being. Not thinking. Just focusing on the in and out of your breath.
It’s too quiet.
It’s too loud.
I have too many thoughts this morning. I woke up feeling well. I don’t allow myself to relish in that. I have to act. To move. I’m free today. Where to start? I just practice simply being.
‘The art of doing nothing.’
Isn’t that the majority of my life?
I also practice not transforming emotions. I feel anger bubbling up to the surface. I allow myself to taste it, let it fill me up. I am patient. Assessing it’s purpose in this very moment.
My inner voice is screaming, CAN’T I JUST BE FUCKING NORMAL? Why can’t I just wake up in the morning and have no need to practice ‘being’, why can’t I just wake up and have a normal life?
I am always comparing. It happens daily, sometimes it consumes me.
It’s a brutal form of self-punishment to compare yourself to your family members, your friends, but it happens and it scratches until my skin feels raw and my eyes are puffy. Life goes on. For me it seems to stay in stasis. For others it moves forward.
Everything looks clear in hindsight
If you can adjust to the twilight
Trying to live enough life to last a lifetime
Roll with the ride like I’m supposed to survive
How you know that you alive?
If you ain’t fighting for a mouthful of future?
This ain’t business as usual, check the tackle
Box full of beautiful, look like shrapnel
Break the cycle and the old mistakes
But the boat obeys the waves
And then the little fish spoke as it broke away
It said, “Know limits, but know with a ‘K'”
Yesterday’s catch will cook tomorrow
Right now I gotta do what I gotta
Took a time out from the human drama
Put my line in the water now who wanna holler?