So I found a psychologist. She was awesome. She called me cool. Told me I was going to be OK. Said we were going to go places together.
Saturday I opened a letter saying she was leaving as of July 22nd. I had an appointment this evening at 5:00 PM…
I put off the call.
I finally made it this afternoon. Left her a voicemail and said I got the letter and saw no reason for me to come in just to have my MMPI-II read. Asked if she could send me the information.
She called back.
In her happy fucking voice, “Hi, this is Dr. blah blah, I am upset you received the letter before we could speak about my leaving tonight at your appointment.”
Gave me a referral, wished me well, said she hoped I could find someone to work with because I am so ‘cool’.
Fuck our mental health care system. This is the second time now I have had a therapist just leave. When Walter (the alias for the first one who retired) left I reconciled it. I picked it up and moved on. This time I feel bitter. Pissed.
We were supposed to fix me.
I never thought I had abandonment issues… maybe my stupid MMPI-II would have told me that Dr. blah blah.
There is an awesome therapist who works with me for Biofeedback, he told me he would take me as a patient and thought we could work well together. SURPRISE! My insurance won’t cover him because he doesn’t have the ‘right’ degree.
This is what people go through trying to seek help. You wonder why everyone just takes a pill to make them happy? Because it’s easier than being bounced around from therapist to therapist. Don’t get it. Go to one. Tell your dark secrets to a stranger. Confide in someone. Let your walls down. Get metaphorically naked with a stranger. Have them wrap you up in their metaphorical warm hug and then dump you like a bag of flaming dog shit and have to find a new person to strip down in front of.
I get it.
People retire. People move on. Bully for you. Can you at least give me more than three days notice? Can you at least make me feel like opening up was worth something?
The worst part: she wanted to blindside me like Walter did… she wanted to tell me to my FACE. So I could be a bumbling idiot in front of her. So I could cry and be so angry inside my blood felt hot and my skin was itchy…
So I could put on a strong face. “Good luck,” I would say like a dutiful little patient.
Giving it up for a while…