So much to say…

There are so many things I want to say.

But can’t find the words.

That’s a lie.

I can find the words.

I just can’t say them.


Or anywhere.

They’re not nice words.

I have to keep them trapped in my cranium.

They are venomous.

I have to figure out a way to let them go.

But it’s hard.

There is so much unfinished.

So much more I needed to say.

But can’t.

But won’t.

But shouldn’t.

I own my thoughts.

But when they turn into words.

I also have to own those.

I may not be able to defend what I want to say.

I may not be able to be nice.

Play nice.

Politically correct.

I may try to destroy you with my words.

Because it’s what I want to do.

Eviscerate you with my words.

Talk down to you.

Belittle you.

I can’t spit actual fire.

I can’t hurt you with my fists.

I wouldn’t.

I would however.

Use my words as my weapon.

They’re the best ones I’ve got.

I still can’t.

Can’t let my thoughts.

Turn to words.

And be free.

They would tear open a hole.

A hole so wide.

We perhaps would fall.

Into it.

All of us.

So I will keep my thoughts.

In my head.

Where you are safe from them.

Not because I want you to be safe.

Because it is the next right thing.

I can do.

From the big book.

No, not that one.

A different big book.


One thought on “So much to say…

  1. Thank you so much for posting this, MW. I know it must have taken a lot of strength to do, but I identify with it so much. It’s just encouraging to know that someone else is going through the same thing, and that it’s okay to express it. I respect you for that, even more than I did before.

    Thank you. That’s all I can say.


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