Isolation

I think the isolation of this disease is one of the more difficult topics to describe to those you don’t experience it.

For those non-chronics, think of your day.  You probably wake up, get ready for work or school, get in your car.  Arrive either at school or work and have conversations with other people throughout the day – coworkers, clients, classmates, small talk with the clerk at Target.  All of these small acts take place and aren’t really thought about, they are just part of your life.

A snapshot of my day goes as follows.  I get up, 6 out of 7 mornings I am dizzy first getting out of bed.  If I am lucky I can shower, sometimes I have to wait for Matt to get home.  I go downstairs, take my meds.  Then it’s usually work on school.  There is usually no interaction there because it’s all virtual.  If it’s Monday and Matt has all day meetings, I usually won’t speak to another human being until 6 p.m.  The other four days of the work week Matt calls on his lunch break.

Now I am not saying every day is the same.  Sometimes I have phone calls to make, UPS comes, or I talk to my mom on the phone.  But it’s difficult on those days when I go hours without talking to a single soul who can talk back (the cats are not great conversationalists).  I am sure some of you are thinking how nice it would be to not talk to anyone for this amount of time.

Sure there are days when I don’t mind the solitude.  But the truth is, after a few days it gets old and super lonely.  It’s isolating.  A variation of my daily schedule has been happening for a few years now.  It’s beginning to affect how I am in social situations.  I crave interaction, but when I have the chance to enjoy it, I am awkward, I fidget.  I feel uncomfortable… I know it makes no sense…

The brain fog takes over and this post ends.  Damn you MD.

MW