It’s one of those days when you wake up on the wrong side of the bed (or chair, for me).
It’s a stomping your feet, slamming cupboards, seething rager today. Don’t know why. Don’t really care. Just letting myself experience it. Moving with the anger. Letting it move through my veins to the ends of my fingertips and end of my toes.
This winter has been a real bitch. I am sick of going to bed feeling like I am on a rollercoaster and waking up in the morning feeling the same way. There is no relief. I squirm in my chair. My home no longer feels like a home, like a prison. I could get up out of this chair, put on my boots, put on my jacket, grab my keys, exit the door, get in my car and drive, drive until my vision is blurry, until I run out of gas. Oh wait, I can’t do those things without help. I can’t go and get a half gallon of milk without Matt taking me.
Some people think it’s the big things that Meniere’s Disease steals from your life that makes us upset. It isn’t. Sure traveling is nearly impossible, finding one’s dream job in a different state or country is a long shot, and having children seems like a luxury. It’s not being able to go to the grocery store, it’s not being able to sweep the floor when it needs to be done, it’s not being able to eat Progresso chicken noodle soup last night because the constant head movement to make sure you don’t burn yourself with hot soup makes the room spin! It’s not being able to lay in bed.
It’s standing in the middle of a crowded room and inside screaming your bloody head off but on the outside putting on the best fake smile you can pull out of your pocket.
It’s one of those days. One of those days you want to tell being positive to shove it and live a day in my shoes and then talk to me about being positive.
Here is to hoping that tomorrow I feel calm – and positive again.
the angry warrior