Yesterday was Mother’s Day and while I didn’t celebrate with my mother I will be next weekend.
The bond between a mother and her daughter is a difficult phenomenon to describe. I find it easier to explain the love for my father with your typical colloquialisms like being a daddy’s girl, always having daddy wrapped around your little finger, those types of things. But I find it ironic that there are none of those colloquia’s exist for a daughter’s love for her mother. I get it. The way of the world is that mothers and daughters squabble and fight, and trust me, my mother and I have had plenty a battle. It was always one of will, who could out-power the other. In the end I learned my place in the pecking order and for a long time I hated my mother because it was always like she was one step ahead of me. My dad always took her side, they were always united. I hated her for being so different from me.
I have grown up a lot since middle and high school and have learned about my mother. I don’t think we really know our parents until we move away from them. I have learned that my mother is a fighter, a warrior in her own right. She hasn’t lived a life full of nothing but rainbows and lollipops, she had fought for place in the world as a woman, a mother, a sister, a daughter, and one serious force to be reckon with. I love my mother. Again, it is that indescribable phenomenon that happens between a daughter and her mother. I grew up to learn that the choices my mother made with me shaped and molded the women who I have become. I have had numerous people tell me I have been so strong this past year, have been strong willed my whole life, never took crap from anyone, but loved with a burning passion. That is because of my mother. Kindest to the smallest of creatures. Beautiful. Tough. Strong willed. Outspoken. Always laughing. Crying when it is appropriate to cry.
My mother instilled in me to love people, no matter how different. Every one deserves a second (and sometimes third) chance. She taught me to fight for what I believe in. My mother taught me how to live, leaving my mark everywhere I go. She valued education and always encouraged me in that motherly way to get an education (either live with her at home and work or go to school, back then I thought well, that leaves one option!), she taught me to spread my wings and fly. And I did just that. But every time I have a broken wing my mother is there to try her best to fix it. She still kisses boo boos and has helped mend my heart the many times it has been broken. As I learn more about my mother, the differences I so fiercely believed divided us like an ocean grows smaller and smaller, because I learn that she and I are so alike. While our paths may be different, our end game is the same. Live a life with a balance of good times and struggles, because it the struggles that have made my mother the steadfast women she is today. Without her downs, she wouldn’t have her ups and that is reflective for me. Fill your home with love and laughter and things that remind you of where you came from. Be humble, never follow the urge to discover new things about yourself.
I struggled my first week of college. I thought I was such a badass, ready to be away from my nest. I quickly fell to tears, hated my roommate and wanted to go home. My mom has told me since that she so badly wanted to rescue me but knew she couldn’t. Knew this was the time to let me go, let me struggle through it. I am grateful now she didn’t save me, because I didn’t need it.
On love. I had the luxury of my parents being married growing up and who are still married today. I put their marriage to the test as most children do. I watched them love each other, be tender to one another. I watched my father demand nothing more than for my mother to be happy and be exactly who she is. He never asked her to change who she was. I watched my mother support my father in every career move he made, and they made all of their life choices together. That united front I hated so much, it is so clear to me now why they did that. Because they had to. They are partners and every choice they made, they made together. My parents taught me what it was like to live in a real marriage, a real partnership. I can proudly say that Matt and I have been together for almost eight years and it is because we both lucky enough to watch both sets of our parents love the hell out of each other growing up. We came together with a defined interpretation of what a partnership means. My father taught me what to expect as a women finding a partner and my mother taught me what to expect from a partner.
While my mother and I still have our differences, our similarities far outshine our differences. She raised me to be an independent thinker and I am happy now at twenty five that I distinguish my perception of my mother at fifteen to my perception of my mother at twenty five. Some of my friends envy the relationship I have with my mother. Because as I grow older we are building a friendship.
She will always be my mother. A fierce mama bear. Always ready to pounce on anyone intending to hurt her cub. Matt’s mom takes care of her mother who is getting older and a little weaker and it reminds me that I will not always have my mother. It takes my breathe away to even have to imagine navigating this world without my mama. But I know I will because she has raised me to be an adult, a women who stand on her own two feet and make good choices. My mother has given me a gift that no one can, and that is taught me to be a woman. She helped me navigate through those awkward preteen years, taught me what to do when I started to date, taught me that broken hearts can always be mended, and love is never really lost.
So this is to you mom. My beautiful mother who fought tooth and nail just to have me. I hope that what I have done so far in my life has made you proud. I can’t describe the love that I have for you, but I know a simple colloquialism won’t cut it, because the love between a mother and a daughter is so deep that slapping a simile on a card would never enable me to tell you what I feel for you.
I am blessed.
I love you.
Happy Mother’s Day.
Yes mom, I know you didn’t like my dark hair! ha ha Love you!!