Trickery

The worst part about recovery is that there is always an ebb and a flow. Since coming home from the hospital I have had days where I feel like everything that happened during my hospital stay and the days that follow were a bad nightmare. Then the universe seems to play a trick on me and the next day I am feeling terrible again. It is unfair, heartbreaking really. I get angry when I can go from feeling so good to so horrible in a matter of hours. I try to tell myself the moment will pass and I will be able to catch my breathe and relax, but feel like it will never come. When it finally does come I am filled with complete fear that the dizziness will come creeping back. It’s a sick little cycle. Being a prisoner in my own body, having no control over what is going to happen makes me angry, makes me want to peel off my skin like a swimsuit. I never feel more alone than in these moments.

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